MOVIE REVIEW - Funny Games (2008)

Naomi Watts and Tim Roth star as a wealthy couple vacationing at their exclusive lake house with their kid, when two strangers supposedly visiting next door knock on the door to borrow eggs. Within minutes, Naomi senses something amiss and asks them to leave. They, uh, do not. They taunt; then they hit; and tie up; and torture; and philosophize along the way with the most inane speeches. This horror film tries to be artsy and intelligent; it fails. You want to like Naomi, but she shouldn't make this kind of depressing drivel.

MOVIE REVIEW - American Carol, An (2008)

There is exactly one good thing about this movie – we learn who the conservative actors in Hollywood are: Kelsey Grammer; Dennis Hopper; Chris McDonald; Zachary Levi; Trace Adkins; Robert Davi; Leslie Nielsen; James Woods; Kevin Sorbo; Jon Voigt (if you can recognize him as George Washington); and Gail O’Grady, who is apparently Hollywood's only female conservative actress. Or, maybe she is just the only conservative female actress who didn’t read this script before signing on to the worst movie of 2008. I had mild hopes for this movie that was conjured up by the small group of Republicans over a weekly breakfast. They wanted to display that Hollywood is not solely a far-left secular-progressive propaganda machine. But apparently, all the talented writers, directors, and actors are left-wing, because this is one horrible movie. I’ve seen middle school church plays that were better written, funnier, and more subtle. There is not a funny joke here. There are, on the other hand, thousands of beat-you-over-the-head supposedly humorous attacks without merit against the left. There are so many legitimate, serious, fact-based attacks that could and should be leveled against the left (rampant disregard for the 10th amendment; unconstitutional demands of “separation of church and state”; treasonous hopes for failure in war, in the name of globalization; socialist economic and immigration policies). And I have openly voiced a hope that right-leaning talents (e.g., Laura Ingram, Mary Matalin, Bill O’Reilly [who should NOT have contributed to this project]) would spear-head media projects (TV dramas and comedies, movies) with a decidedly constitutional perspective. But this movie not only isn’t funny, it damages the conservative viewpoint by making us all look like the buffoon Kevin Farley (Chris’ brother) playing the Michael Moore-ish character.

MOVIE REVIEW - Body of Lies (2008)

The story is a bit like Syrianna, except it’s about the war intelligence instead of oil, and it’s less confusing. Oh, and it’s good. I wish Russell Crowe wouldn’t have chosen Leo as his costar, because Leo ruins movies for me. And certainly, most anyone else in the lead role (e.g., Wahlberg, Gosling, heck – Labeouf) would’ve been better. But I enjoyed this CIA drama in spite of Leo. I don’t know if we are really as sophisticated in the war as this movie portrays us – direct satellite communication and surveillance between those on the ground and those back home, giving us major advantage. It’s a fascinating way to conduct a war, if so.

Russell plays a director in the states who manages Leo, an operative in the middle east. He is interestingly disinterested – he never really looks at anyone, but he’s always listening and planning. It’s fun watching Russell playing dad, walking about his day-to-day life at his kids school, on the playground, in the grocery store, while giving Leo directions over his Bluetooth that decide major actions in world politics. And boy, are some of those decisions major - the explosions are really intense. Global politics are not for the faint of heart.

There is an interesting relationship between Leo and the Andy Garcia-like head of Jordan intelligence (whose best line was, “If you’re not thinking about pussy, you’re just not concentrating”). They know they aren’t friends, but they at times choose to be partners – and at times not. While the movie’s climax tries to put a negative spin on American operations, most of the movie has an interesting (and I think honest?) perspective on the middle east (e.g., the Jordanian said, “We don’t have enough good Arabs to watch the bad Arabs”).

MOVIE REVIEW - Appaloosa (2008)

I like Westerns. I like the frontier justice, the scenery, the shape of the US Constitution in that age. But this story written by, directed by, and starring Ed Harris, seemed more like Harris’s excuse to make an old-style movie. He got the scenery right, showing Appaloosa as the typical tiny and rough frontier town, and the plot starts promising with a fascinating, violent shootout. But it quickly faltered with a weak story, misplaced subplots, and unnecessary character mannerisms.

The first flaw is seen when the tinny-voiced Jeremy Irons is cast as the uber-bad guy. He looks too much like a Blood-y Daniel Day Lewis, and he just isn’t sinister enough for this bad guy role. Then, we meet Viggo Mortensen, though he’s hardly recognizable wearing a mustache that is 4 times wider than his skinny beard. Then, we meet Renee Zellwegger’s Allison French, where her mugging is on full throttle, and even more out place than usual. Worse, her character is extraneous to most of the plot, and is a distraction from the real story. Harris wrote a plotline to beef up the female part for the feminist age for an era where such a role does not belong.

There is a bizarre, and ultimately lame, attempt at humor that pervades Ed and Viggo’s friendship. It doesn’t work. Ed constantly asks Viggo which word he’s looking for. This character quirk plays no role in the movie, and adds nothing to Ed’s character – it’s just another trait written into this flawed story that confuses me as to what they were trying for. There are enjoyable parts, but this Western just isn’t very satisfying.

MOVIE REVIEW - Enchanted (2007)

Disney fluff. I thought having the lovely Amy Adams as the princess would make me like this one more - she can really be endearing (Junebug). And while there were a few atypical Disney features (animation morphs into live action; the prince is a dufus), it wasn't inspired. Seems like it could've almost been a Disney TV flick.

MOVIE REVIEW - Heart and Souls (1993)

I really liked it and was surprised by that. I don't usually go for angel/afterlife-type movies, but this one really has a lot of heart and humor. And TWO Mumford cast mates! (Alfre/David Paymer).

Favorite scenes:
* Alfre's revelation that her son is the cop - she was just SO excited.
* The boardroom scene, when they embarrass Thomas by entering him, to force him to help.
* Most all the scenes with Thomas the kid - he was so cute, answering all the school questions.
* The sheer joy of the grown man who got his stamp collection back.

I thought Robert Downey, Jr. could sing better - I liked the scene with the Star Spangled Banner, but I thought his voice was kinda bland and slightly off-key. Maybe he did that on purpose? It was unrealistic to think that BB would enjoy and participate in such a moment, but this wasn't a movie going for realism, so that's forgivable. Overall, this was fun and heartwarming.

MOVIE REVIEW - In Bruges (2008)

Colin Farrell and Russell Crowe should be in a movie together - both know how to bring incredible depth and heartache, with such passion, to unlikable characters. Colin plays a new assassin whose first job went horribly wrong. The boss sends Colin and his elder partner in crime to the historic, gorgeous, slow town of Bruges, Belgium for a short escape from the wilder life of killing. A crusty but deep bond is clear between the partners, even while they mostly dislike each other's company. While this is a brooding, slow moving movie, a lot happens in Bruges. Even when killers vacation, their violent life can overflow - causing heartache, love, fear, courage, and even wrenching introspection. Ralph Fiennes has a smaller role as their boss, who ultimately joins in on the vacation and the brooding. This is a great film with a great cast and tone - highly recommended.

MOVIE REVIEW - Night at the Museum (2006)

Carla Gugino needed a bigger role in this Ben Stiller adventure comedy for kids. Dinosaurs come to life, Robin Williams' Teddy Roosevelt dispenses advice that he can't keep, and a lot of silly shenanigans go on after hours at the museum. Throw in a tip of the hat to old comedians who are much better than the new bunch. The lovely Gugino could've brought some levity and heart to this otherwise kid-fluff piece, if only she'd had any lines.