MOVIE REVIEW - Valkyrie (2008)

This is seemingly a major departure for Tom Cruise. Set near the end of WWII in Germany, Cruise plays the leader of the final assassination attempt on Hitler’s life. The topics are weighty, the intensity is palpable, and (as history makes obvious) the ending is not happy. Amazing, then, that they were not able to escape the sense that it is just another Tom Cruise movie. Tom speaks with exactly his accent (though few other actors do); he carries himself with a very 21st century American air; near the climax, everyone pledges allegiance to his character; he is essentially the personality of Mitch McDeere – he even hesitates before saying “Sir”, just like at the end of The Firm. Even covered in dust, he’s too pretty. But equally amazingly, the film isn’t ruined by Tom’s inability to hide Tom. It is a good movie.

Throughout much of the film, there is high tension. I could hardly breathe we weren’t sure if Kenneth Branaugh would be discovered as a traitor. The first and second meetings between Tom and Hitler were literally stressful for the viewer – fantastic. Throughout the assassination attempt, there was lots of silence leading to the scary stuff – very Hitchcockian. The scenes in the typewriter room were an effective way of building the plot and the fear.

I like Eddie Izzard, but he seemed miscast. Carice van Houten was great in the small role of Tom’s wife. Thomas Kretschmann was excellent as the National Guard reservist leader – obedient, skeptical, firm.

As a movie, Valkyrie is one of the best of the year. As history, it seems to do a decent if not perfect job. The film definitely colors the assassination attempt as a moral crusade against Hitler’s crimes against people, for the goal of preserving Germany’s honor. “We have to show the world that not all of Germany is like Hitler.” The leaders in the film would have ended the war once Hitler was gone. The historical men were seemingly a bit more practical and self-serving, though there is evidence that they were more principled than Hitler. At least the movie is not as revisionist as the Nuremberg War Crimes museum.

MOVIE REVIEW - Marley & Me (2008)

Yes, it’s about the dog, but not in the same way that Beethoven or Benji is. More like Turner and Hooch, where the dog plays a big role, but it’s also about something else, about life. About John Grogan’s life – he’s a reporter played by Owen Wilson (wow, that nose becomes more and more noticeable), married to Jennifer Aniston. And because of Grogan’s commitment issues, they get a dog. Marley, the pup, in his cute moments, is so cute that it almost makes even ME want a dog. And then he barks. And poops. And runs wild, controlling the household. I didn’t appreciate how proud they were for getting kicked out of obedience school – as though owning an out of control dog is a badge of honor.

The film’s pace moves very fast through John’s life – they have to cover about 16 years, after all (hint, hint). And because of the pace, it sometimes seems disjointed. Jennifer’s bonding to the dog didn’t seem genuine at first. But then, to rush through the years, the did a montage. Now, montages are fairly common in movies. But they did a fascinating, lightning speed, 5 minute fly-through of all the stories John reported over the course of a few years, mixing in personal life changes, days with Marley, back to the reporting – it was surprisingly cool. They also placed cultural milestones throughout to let you know time was progressing quickly (e.g., Hootie and the Blowfish to let us know we are in the 90’s).

When Jennifer cries at her miscarriage, you realize the movie is going to be about more than the dog – it is truly emotional. There are many funny moments, but even the comedy has a heartwarming tone (when the third kid comes along, “Daddy says her name is Woops”).

The movie isn’t without flaws. Owen can’t help but be Owen, even when it isn’t a comedy. He does a lot of mugging. Emotionally removed mugging. Grogan doesn’t strike me as a dad. He’s a dog owner, even when he’s spending time with his kids. He doesn’t talk to the kids. He sometimes talks at them, but that’s as close to parenting as he gets. And the movie doesn’t really even recognize this trait as lacking. The marriage is portrayed as difficult but mature – though it isn’t a marriage I would esteem.

Alan Arkin is terrific as usual as Grogan’s boss. I loved the house they bought in Pennsylvania – three story stone, alongside a two and one story sided attachment, with a spacious front yard.

Any emotion I felt was because of Jennifer’s tears. The dog part, uh, he was old. Only the vet has the emotionally removed sense that pet owners should have. When Owen says to Marley, “I love you more than anything,” I think it is true; but given that he has a wife and kids, I also think it is unfortunate.

Despite a few flaws, I liked this movie. A dog lover would love it.

MOVIE REVIEW - Untraceable (2008)

Standard serial killer drama starring the reliable and gorgeous Diane Lane as an FBI cyber expert. Nothing remarkable, but I enjoyed it.

MOVIE REVIEW - Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008)

I think I’m just about done with Judd Apatow films. Knocked up was decent, 40-Year Virgin was decent, and the other 8 or so recent ones (since he’s become a hit), including this one, are just too distasteful. Supposedly, Apatow has his finger on the pulse of the younger generation. If true (and I fear it is), then I’m glad I’m old.

Oh, how I love Kristen Bell. But I’m learning that I really just loved Veronica Mars; and Kristen, well, I can take her or leave her. She stars with Jason Segel (How I Met Your Mother) as a TV star with a typical TV star’s ego. She dumps Jason for another celebrity (the always unappealing, ridiculous Russell Brand), leaving Jason to mope for his loss.

The plot is lame, as they wind up in Hawaii together on separate vacations, leaving Jason to wallow in pity over Kristen and Russell’s affair. And Apatow lets us see everything – the sex, the moans, the sex, the constant profanities, the sex, the drunken pity parties, and the sex. If only it were funny.

MOVIE REVIEW - Lawn Dogs (1997)

Sam Rockwell stars as the lawn guy from the wrong side of the tracks who befriends an emotionally lost girl (introducing Mischa Barton) from the right side. A bit whimsical, a bit terrifying, you don’t know for a while whether the story is going to lead down bad paths. There are some difficult moments between Sam and the other guys from the wealthy side, but the overall, it’s a nice tale.

MOVIE REVIEW - Eagle Eye (2008)

Farfetched, but only as much as most action thrillers. Shia LaBeouf and Michelle Monaghan separately get phones calls from a female stranger giving them instructions (e.g., get out of your apartment NOW; we have your kid, get in the car on the corner and drive). It seems like a big conspiracy, though the two can’t figure out where the woman is leading them to, and what horrors she wants them to do, and why she has put the two of them together. There are many twists, and I mostly liked the way it all fit together in the end. A fun ride.

MOVIE REVIEW - Monster's Ball (2001)

Halle won an Oscar for this, but it sure isn’t fun. Or very good, really.

MOVIE REVIEW - Day the Earth Stood Still, The (2008)

While this sci-fi remake has several redeeming elements and is quite entertaining for much of the film (excellent opening; the lovely Jennifer Connelly; some terrific effects, like as the alien ship first approaches Manhattan), it has multiple tragic flaws that nearly ruin it (and there are spoilers here):
1. The left-wing agenda saying that man has destroyed the planet. "You came to save the earth from us". Are you kidding me? So this is a man-caused-global-warming propaganda movie. You say we are on the brink of destruction, and you are right. Such alarmists, these Hollywood fanatics.
2. Jennifer Connelly’s pathetic pleas – We can change, we can change!
3. The alien was ultimately convinced to save the planet, all because he saw Jennifer and Jaden sad over the death of Jaden’s dad. Wow, humans really are evolved after all, though the alien Keanu. Uh, the aliens had been spying us for decades. Hadn’t they ever seen anyone cry before? And tears are what convinced them to spare us? Really, really stupid.
4. I know that all action movies have these types of flaws, but this was more glaring than most. The alien’s fog was going hither and yonder destroying everything in its wake – skyscrapers, stadiums, cars, people – and the three stars hide under an overpass (made of concrete, right? The same material that stadiums are made of) and are protected? Wow, that was a terrible gap in logic.
Additionally, the movie would be better without the entire Jaden Smith storyline – he isn’t a good enough actor to pull off the depth they were shooting for.

MOVIE REVIEW - Role Models (2008)

Surprisingly endearing and funny, if profane and a bit stupid. This is much like School of Rock, but with medieval sparring games instead of music. The love story between McLovin’ (Christopher Mintz-Platz) and the queen was really cute. Seann William Scott’s teachings about boobies was really funny – yes, sophomoric, but funny. And true. I didn’t care for the constant extremely profane banter between SWS and his kid, and how they used the profanity as a bonding factor – but it was still touching. The scene where the black mom was protecting her kid was nice, but it didn’t ring true based on how she had raised her son. Hopefully, this movie won’t be seen as a lesson on how to raise kids, but rather as a funny and endearing (and really profane) romp.

MOVIE REVIEW - Slumdog Millionaire (2008)

This movie is chaotic and unbelievable, most of all, and miserable. I hear that the movie perfectly depicts life in the Mumbai slums; but it is unpleasant to watch, nonetheless. It is the story of two brothers and a childhood girlfriend, born in the slums, stolen into slavery, horribly mistreated, with incredibly hard knocks and bad decisions along the way. And the movie beats you over the head with how miserable it all is. But to make the movie more palatable, they create a very bizarre and uneven storytelling devise. The movie is told through flashbacks while one of the brothers is on the Millionaire game show, explaining how he knows the answers to the questions. Though the plot gives some thin (pathetic) reason for why he would be on the game show, Millionaire seems a trite way to tell a poignant story.

Other things I disliked about the movie:

• How many running chase scenes through the slums will there be? At least 5. For this much activity, why is it so boring?o Kids become beggars and thieves. I guess we are supposed to feel sorry for them, but the kids are too happy about their stealing, and movie is too disjointed, for that
• Loud, driving electro-pop music.
• Too long. I was begging for the movie to be over.

MOVIE REVIEW - Milk (2008)

Personally, I don’t appreciate gay culture. I find effeminate men off-putting, the constant explicit sexuality morally bankrupt, and the in-your-face exuberance offensive. Thus, I went into this movie, about the life and assassination of the first gay city councilman of San Francisco (a man entrenched in gay culture) with a big strike against it. And they definitely pulled out all the gay culture stops: drag queens, Over the Rainbow, tons of man-on-man kissing. Harvey Milk is presented here as such a valiant hero and martyr, a man of dedication, resilience, courage – the movie is nearly worshipful towards him because of the long strides he made toward gay civil rights. These are some of the politics and chants and attitudes of Mr. Milk, as presented here:

• He “broke the dam of prejudice”.
• “Everything I did was for gay rights.”
• He partnered with the teamsters union.
• Chant: “Gun control, not marijuana control”
• Chant: “Civil rights or civil war – gay rights now!”
• Stern calls to his people to come out of the closet – “for the children”
• Equating Anita Bryant to Nazis
• Anita Bryant is slammed throughout the movie as a crazy hatemonger.
• He begins every speech with “I recruit you.”
• He giddily addresses his people “My fellow degenerates…”

This movie is decently made, decently acted (James Franco is better than Sean Penn) – nothing special, but not horrible. But when I disagree with most every political goal of Harvey Milk, and when the movie so strongly celebrates not only his courage, but specifically his courage to do “the right thing” – when I see his politics as the wrong thing – it makes it impossible for me to appreciate the movie.

MOVIE REVIEW - Dan in Real Life (2007)

Delightful family tale about two brothers who love the same woman. The sad sack Dan (Steve Carell) hasn’t dated since his wife died; but he meets Juliette Binoche in a book store, and there are subtle and sweet sparks. He gives her his phone number, then heads to his family’s vacation cabin to meet his brother’s girlfriend – yet, Juliette. Dan is clearly better suited for her than the brother (Dane Cook), but the movie would be awfully short if there weren’t a bunch of missteps and shenanigans. Predictable but nice.

MOVIE REVIEW - Hellboy (2004)

An endearing, though bizarre, tale of a baby who escaped from hell and grew up to be Hellboy. A pseudo-superhero, but with dark elements. He’s angry, though a bit of a teddy bear; he smokes cigars and prefers his own company, but he’s in love with the sweet, pensive Selma Blair. Decent story, nicely executed.

MOVIE REVIEW - Australia (2008)

What a wasted opportunity. There was a good story to be had here, but it was drenched in out of place whimsy, overacting, conceited directing, and a total lack of edit. Hugh was good as the Drover – a rough cow herder who agrees to help the overly-stuffy (and WAY over-acted) Nicole after her husband is killed. The big cow herd scene was gorgeous and cool, including the paranormal elements with the sometimes-cute, sometimes-annoying kid. Some of the music was nice. But what were those unrealistic scenes (e.g., an aborigine girl running alongside the truck, conversing with Drover)? Luhrmann couldn’t decide if he wanted an epic or a fantasy. He later decided he wanted an epic, so he kept drawing out the storyline – endlessly – through the herd, to the market, to the dance, to the… war? Will it never end? I was going mad by the time Luhrmann finally made everyone happy.

MOVIE REVIEW - Starstruck (1998)

Starring Loren Dean (Mumford) as the drugged up, narcissist movie star, and Jamie Kennedy as his wannabe friend/fan, there is just nothing here worth seeing. Rent Mumford instead.